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This type of restrictive situation can become a hotbed for dishonesty.
Earlier this week I got a call from a well-known women’s magazine and was asked to explain when it is okay for a woman to lie to her partner.If our partners trust us enough to admit that they find someone else attractive, we might just be able to trust them enough to believe them when they say they won’t act on this attraction.The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become.Once a relationship becomes about compromising ourselves or denying who we are, we are no longer living in the reality of what the relationship is but in a fantasy of what we think a relationship should be.An example of this might be a woman whose boyfriend gets so jealous that he forbids her to be alone with other men.Too often, when we get close to someone, our innermost defenses come into play, and we unintentionally alter ourselves to “make it work.” The baggage we carry from our past weighs heavily on us, and we have trouble breaking free from old destructive habits and harmful modes of relating that distort both ourselves and our partners.
When this happens, jealousy, possessiveness insecurity and distrust can cause us to warp and misuse our relationships.
In the book Deception may be the most damaging aspect of infidelity.
Deception and lies shatter the reality of others, eroding their belief in the veracity of their perceptions and subjective experience.
When the topic of infidelity spills into our daily dose of media, we may say we saw it coming, or we may react with shock. Without even meaning to, we learn details, names, sources and suspicions.
Most of us would admit that there is little point in speculating about the ins and outs, agreements and lies, secrets and circumstances of a stranger’s affair, but our fascination with the indiscretions of others should tell us something about ourselves and the world around us.
While keeping a relatively insignificant secret from someone you’re close to diminishes that person’s reality, going to great lengths to deceive someone can actually make them question their sanity.