Example of validating communication
As difficult as it might be, suspend your own judgments and reactions to the situation or topic.Temporarily let go of the need to advise, change, help or fix the situation.
You might say, "I can see you're upset about this," or "You seem discouraged" in response to their news about having to work over the weekend. An important distinction is that you can accept your partner's feelings, but it doesn't mean you need to agree with them. Use validating statements such as, "I would feel that way, too," or "It makes sense to me that you'd feel that way given the circumstances" to let them know you see why they feel the way they do.Be assured that I do not want to blame parents for causing the problem. However parents can change their attitudes and improve their communication skills which will help their adult child.When parents use validation the emotionality of a person with borderline will decrease.Think back to the last time you really felt heard, understood, and listened to. You join their world and see things from their point of view.It's a way of showing you understand and accept their thoughts and feelings just as they are.Your own thoughts are put on the back burner; your focus, instead, is on your partner's current experience.
Show you are listening by stopping what you are doing (closing the laptop, turning off the TV), turning to face them, nodding your head, and making eye contact as they talk. Acknowledging and accepting is the next step in validation.
When you share a validating style of interacting together, you build trust and intimacy. While the concept of validation may seem simple, it can sometimes be a little tricky to execute.
Imagine your partner comes home and tells you they are furious because they found out they need to work over the holiday weekend. Many of us would feel protective of our spouse, or upset at the situation, and have the natural urge to try to help or fix the situation.
When we think of what we can do to nurture our relationship, we often think of tangibles. Perhaps it was a caring teacher in grade school who seemed to know exactly the right thing to say when you were upset.
Think back to a time when you remember feeling really understood.
While all of these things certainly won't hurt your relationship (at all!